Today is my last day as a fully-submerged corporate worker bee. Though it's a little unsettling to leave these grey walls, modest tasks, friendly coworkers, and financial stability, I'm looking very forward to next week. No, I'm not leaving for good, but my 10-6 M-F schedule will be dramatically reduced to something sporadic and minute in comparison. Ah, part-time.
Orientation at Portfolio Center starts 9 am, January 2nd. Tuesday. Only then will I know my schedule, and then maybe have an inkling what I've gotten myself into.
Though the unknown is not comfortable, I feel a certain freedom take over as this week closes. I might be able to have a say in my future, and not merely stick with a job because I lack qualifications for anything else decent or remotely related to my field of art. I will be able to steer my path, and not wait for the door of random opportunity to open before me. I know I have had very good luck with this door before, but the wind could smack it shut any moment.
Also, perhaps I will find a way to let my desire to create become fulfilled. I want to create, but I am not trusted, not qualified, and except in my own free time, encouraged or permitted. In return, I feel my creative tendencies being subdued and dumbed-down and the seeds of something great turning into a product or mediocrity. I will be pushed, criticized, and challenged, but I won't be ignored.
There's a freedom even in knowing that my life has a greater purpose to it. In Oglethorpian terms, each day I will do something for a greater good in the end. No, I'm not saving the children of Africa. There is a reason I will attend 4 1/2 hour classes 5 times a week and stay up endlessly working on projects - and not for money or to please someone else (though there will hopefully be some of this someday). I will please my own self, grow in my own self, and make my life satisfying by hopefully doing something I will be passionate about...And when I can enjoy something and create at the same time, then all the moments of agony before have been worthwhile. I hope. Yes, glorious idealism at its highest, but I didn't have this feeling during my undergrad, and now I feel confident I am embarking on a chaotic journey that will lead to a much brighter destination.
So, my last day as a normal full time worker bee. Next week, student with a part time job. I'm the only one here in the lab today, I think I'll go home now...
1 comment:
I have & always will have high hopes for you, not so you can be so high you fail & fall a great fall, because I know that won't happen to you. You deserve the best, and right now the best is getting out of these grey walls and enjoying your schooling & youth. Although I'm selfish & do miss you, I don't blame you :)
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